my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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