yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
