I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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