My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
