there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
