I'm lost and stupid without you.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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