Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
