I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
