I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
