apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
