You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Randomize
