i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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