it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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