I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you would pick up someone in the library
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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