It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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