We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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