Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
