I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
