How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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