I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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