did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
