I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
