I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
