you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
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