This is not my ceiling
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
