"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
