Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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