there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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