All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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