walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
