Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
