last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
