i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
