Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
