absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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