Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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