That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
