South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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