You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
