If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize