I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
