I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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