And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
