I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
