You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
not ubering you a puppy
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
