New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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