i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
