she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
