4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
