well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
