this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
