he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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