his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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