I just gift wrapped bread.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
