Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
