I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
