I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
