so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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