how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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