No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
