I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
