are you still at the devil's house?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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