The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
