i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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