dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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