nut hugger
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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