how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Don't make out with my wife yet
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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