I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
