Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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