Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize