I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize