well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
