your thong is hanging out like whoa
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
