I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
