im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
