You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
