Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
