he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
