you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
