"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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